I was laid up earlier this week, all coughing and feverish like some 19th century tragic heroine. After months of traveling Southeast Asia almost illness-free, I find Saigon taking its toll on me lately. Vietnamese people tell me it’s probably because of the changing seasons– from hot and rainy to hot and less rainy.

Personally, I’ve identified a few other factors contributing to my recent lack of robustness & sanguinity:

1. The air I breathe. The air quality here absolutely sucks. This is no surprise in a city of more than seven million people, all of whom are on their motorbikes right this second. I go outside with a Cambodian krama scarf wrapped around my face half the time. You think I am exaggerating about the motorbike traffic, but I promise you, it is the first thing you will notice when you come to Ho Chi Minh City.

When are you coming, anyway?


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They’ve started playing Christmas songs here in Vietnam too. Right now, I’m listening to an eerie, theremin-sounding rendition of “Jingle Bells,” but I guess it beats the techno that most Vietnamese cafes start pumping first thing in the morning (usually accompanied by the television also playing at full volume.) Been busy, but things are going fine here. I have lots of photos to upload. Also wanted to mention that I touched the still-beating heart of a crocodile last week.

I had to stop short in heavy traffic yesterday and as I put my foot down to balance myself another bike ran over the heel of my flip-flop and pulled it clean off of my foot without otherwise touching me in any way. I still don’t understand how this was physically possible, but it’s a perfect illustration of what driving in HCMC is like.

A story in the English-language Vietnam News had me laughing into my ninth glass of tra da the other day. It seems a sweep by the Ministry of Culture, Sports, and Tourism uncovered pirated software in use at a French-run architectural firm in Hanoi.

Who was leading the raid? Claude Rains? Vietnam’s piracy rates have topped 90 percent for the past several years, according to the killjoys at the Business Software Alliance. Having lived here for a little while now, the only thing that surprises me about this figure is that ten percent of people are actually using real, licensed versions. Where do they get them? As far as I can tell, it’s not possible to buy a legal CD, DVD, or piece of software here, even if you really, really wanted to. I wouldn’t know where to look. English-language books, shoes, clothes, electronics, almost the same thing.

But there is, as they say, more to the story. Apparently this crackdown is at least sorta for real. As Vietnam’s economy continues to grow, there’s mounting pressure to clean things up, especially considering a tech industry is starting to develop (Intel is currently building a $300 million semiconductor plant here in Ho Chi Minh City.) In fact, the Vietnam News article claims that in the past year Vietnam has fallen out of the top 12 pirate nations, after years as number one.

What’s next? A motorcycle helmet law?

Yes. One is going into effect in December in HCMC. Vietnam, I hardly recognize you anymore.

I’ve been laid low the past couple of days by a nasty little stomach bug. I assume it was something I ate, but what? It could have been just about anything. The grilled street pork. The ice in my iced coffee. The ice in my beer. Everyone’s a suspect–it’s like Murder on the Orient Express. Still, this is the first of such troubles I’ve had in I don’t how long–certainly since I’ve been in Vietnam, which, as I realized the other day, has been more than four months now. In any case, it’s impossible and kind of pointless to live here and not eat the street food and drink the street cafe sua da, and seriously, most Vietnamese food is incredibly fresh, although just typing the words “eat” and “food” makes me want to go lie back down.

First in a series.

Vietnamese jazz hands. The multipurpose hand gesture, hands open and raised and swiveled repeatedly at the wrist. Means a bunch of things, including: I don’t have it. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to. I can’t. I don’t know. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. And more. I started out imitating it as a joke, but I’ve found myself using it for real lately. I have a feeling that it’s going to be permanently incorporated into my body language, no matter where I am. It’s just so useful, and kind of fun to do.

Shortly after the protests in Burma started, I emailed a couple of friends I made there, but I hadn’t heard anything back until now. I just got this message:

Hello Tom,

I am so glad to get ur mail. In Burma, gov don’t allow to use
Internet. If so i am very hard to communicate with all of my friends.
I remember you. Yes. Not good condition in Burma. REALLY BAD. I am so
appreciate to remember me and send an email to me. U have been really
kind to me. I have no words to express how am happy to get ur mail.
They killer and they killed even Monks. I think they are evils. I am
fine and safe. But I have lost my ambition to go to [another country].

I feel small. I like to die in these days. I try to encourage myself. I hope
i am getting recover now. Thanks for sending me and remembrance. I
hope we can get in touch by email. . .

Burma breaks my heart. More to say on everything. Today is the 12th anniversary of Aung San Suu Kyi’s detention, by the way. Rallies have been/are being held in cities around the world. Not in Vietnam, of course.

Vietnam, on its way to full membership in the global community.

Admitted to the World Trade Organization. A seat on the United Nations Security Council.

And now, most importantly, Vietnam has its very own celebrity sex tape scandal, featuring Huang Thuy Linh, 19, star of the teen soap opera Vang Anh’s Diaries.

When news of the sex clip infiltrated the gloomy corridors of state-run television–I picture their headquarters in a windowless, concrete citadel–the mandarins at the helm pulled their dusty, comically oversized plug on the show. Clearly, Vietnam is clamoring for nudity. How long can the will of the people be subverted?